Scary thoughts about your baby? Dads get them too
Maybe it's a flash of dropping the baby on the stairs. Or a thought that comes out of nowhere and horrifies you. You might be scared to tell anyone. Here's what most dads never hear: these thoughts are very common in new parents, they don't mean you're dangerous, and they get better.
Rough night? Call or text 988, or 1-833-852-6262 (24/7, dads too).
What these thoughts are
Doctors call them intrusive thoughts. They're sudden, unwanted thoughts or pictures, often of the baby getting hurt by accident or, worse, by you. They feel awful because they go against everything you want. That horror is the important part. It's a sign the thought isn't something you want to do.
A new baby puts your brain on high alert for danger. Sometimes that alarm misfires and throws up the worst thing it can imagine.
What can help
- Label it. "That's an intrusive thought." Naming it takes away some of its power.
- Don't fight it too hard. Trying to push a thought away often makes it come back stronger. Let it pass like a car going by.
- Notice if you're avoiding things, like bathing the baby or holding them near stairs. Avoiding can make the fear grow.
- Get more rest where you can. Thoughts like these tend to get worse with exhaustion and stress.
- Tell someone. A doctor, a therapist, or the PSI HelpLine at 1-800-944-4773. Saying it out loud is often a huge relief.
When to get help
If the thoughts come often, take up a lot of your day, or you find yourself checking or avoiding things to feel safe, talk to a doctor or a therapist who works with new parents. This is very treatable. The PSI directory can help you find someone. See how to bring it up with your doctor.
Get help right away if you feel like you might act on a thought, or if the thoughts start to feel like they make sense, you're hearing or seeing things others don't, or you feel out of touch with what's real. Call or text 988, or call 911. That is different from the common thoughts above, and it needs care now.
Worry along with the thoughts? Read anxiety in new dads.
Common questions
Is it normal for dads to have scary thoughts about the baby?
Yes. Sudden, unwanted thoughts about the baby getting hurt are very common in new parents, including fathers. They don't mean you will act on them.
Do intrusive thoughts mean I'm dangerous?
No. The fact that the thoughts horrify you is a sign they go against what you want. If they are frequent or distressing, talk to a doctor. They are very treatable.
When are scary thoughts an emergency?
If you feel you might act on a thought, the thoughts start to feel like they make sense, or you feel out of touch with reality, call or text 988 or call 911 right away.
Last updated October 2026. Postpartum Fathers is peer support, not medical advice. Sources: Postpartum Support International on postpartum psychosis and on perinatal mental health in fathers.